The Power of the Pause.
The pause is so powerful, and it’s used everywhere, although we do not realise it. Consider a really good joke. The punch line is preceded by a very significant pause. The pause builds tension and expectation. That pause gives the punch line its strength. Laughter follows.
Now think of music; the pause brings life to the music. That is why musicians like Miles Davis said: It's not the notes you play; it's the notes you don't play. It’s the silent parts that make the music. Not the notes itself.
The Indian classical music maestro, Ustad Usman Khan had this to say “The notes I play are no different than many other musicians, But the pauses between the notes, ah, that is where the art resides.”
Just like in music and in humour, in coaching too the pause is a powerful tool. Good coaches practice the pause to get more out of their coaching conversation, in the same way that a musician gets more out of his melody. The pauses in music and coaching offer space for reflection and thought on which way to move forward.
In my experience of almost a decade of coaching, I have seen myself evolve in the use of the pause; from being afraid of the pause in the beginning of my coaching practice to today, where I relish the liberating effect it has on the coaching conversation.
One can take the analogy with music forward. A raw musician tends to play the notes tentatively and is eager to get to the next stanza, and then to the end of the song. Similarly, a novice coach is also eager to get through the stages of the coaching process – the contract, the outcome, powerful questioning, listening, mid-point check etc etc.
In retrospect, I can see myself going through these stages…taking a quick look at my watch to make sure that the conversation is within contracted time…then after the coaching was done, look back to check if the correct processes had been followed. Were outcomes met? Was there an agreement on “homework”? In all that process of chasing I lost the essence of the conversation.
Using the music analogy once again – in my eagerness to get to the end of the song in the correct way, I lost the essence of the song
As time passed and my practice grew, I became more comfortable with the coaching process. I began experimenting with the pause and came to understand it’s power. The silence in the pause was fascinating. It was an active silence and I understood that immediately. Nothing was said, but a lot was happening in the client’s mind.
The tension and pressure within him was palpable, and I was with him.
This is similar to a seasoned musician who knows exactly how long to hold the pause to create the right amount of tension and expectation in the mind of the listener, so that the enjoyment of the stanza is enhanced.
The coach too uses the pause to create the right amount of tension and reflective space in the client, so that answers and options appear in the client’s mind and he can move ahead rapidly. It is like being released from a spring board. Such is the power of the pause.
Today for me, the pause is as powerful as a good question.
The occasion to use a pause and the length of the pause is a function of the conversation and the state of mind of the client. A bit like jugalbandi in music. The coach and the client have to be in tune with each other so that the coach knows when to use the pause, how long to wait till the client speaks, or when he requires a gentle nudge. The net result is the grand progress of the coaching conversation.
And getting senior leaders to pause and reflect so that the future is clearer – now that’s another story.
Anil Kulkarni
Strategy & Leadership Coach
First published June 2024